=(

Woke up at 8am for the first time since my last paper on the 22nd Feb.. Met up gerald, lj and glenn at amk mrt.. Head towards Changi Airport.. Desmond's leaving for taiwan.. My brother, my fren, my encourager, my motivator.. His going for 6mths to do attachment in some Uni there.. Will miss u bro.. Cya in 6mths time man.. Take good care of urself!!! Was sad man when they got to leave.. Tears almost came when they walked thru that gate.. Well, wad's up with me man.. Became so fking emotional recently.. Perphaps the feeling of ppl leaving jus really got me hanging.. Hates it man.. But its for the best of all.. Hmmmm.. took a train back to AMK hub... Watched Meet the spartans with glenn and lj.. Beside me 2 seats sat some RJ gals if i'm not wrong.. Hey hello !!?? Its suppose to be a fking funny comedy.. Why the hell are u gals screaming ur lungs out?? LOL... anyway.. Had a good laugh in there.. was really funny movie, same storyline though.. but fking funny.. Anyways.. I'm definitely working this summer.. Needa earn some fast cash.. Will be a tight schedule but of cuz i'll make time for my beloved church mates.. Life seems so boring for me... Well.. fk man.. i deserve it.. If only i had studied hard enough, If only i had treassure her more, if only i am more mature, if only.. if only... all the if only... Damn.. wad's the point of grumbbling here man.. Alright.. blog till here... Lonely without des for the next 6mths.. LOL... k lah.. take care all.. bye !!! =)

You were my everything

This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn’t realize it at the time
I can’t forgive myself for the
way I treated you so
I don’t really expect you to either
It’s just... I don’t even know
Just listen…

You’re the one that I want, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I’m sorry about the pain I made you feel

That wasn’t me; let me show you the way
I looked for the sun, but it’s raining today
I remember when I first looked into your eyes
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies

I wore a disguise 'cause I
didn’t want to get hurt
But I didn’t know I made everything worse
You told me we were crazy in love
But you didn’t care when push came to shove

If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn’t have hurt me like I ain’t shit
Now you pushed me away like
you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly

I guess you forgot about the
times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don’t know how I could do you so wrong

I really wanna show you I
really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no
one else could know you
You’re number one, always in my heart
And now I can’t believe that
our loves torn apart

[ Chorus: ]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [ 2x ]

I know you gonna sit and play
this with your new man
And then sit and laugh as
you’re holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart

[ Lyrics found at www.mp3lyrics.org/lN ]
At times we was off I was scared to show you
Now I wanna hold you until I can’t hold you
Without you, everything seems strange
Your name is forever planted in my brain

Damn it, I’m insane,
Take away the pain
Take away the hurt
Baby, we can make it work

What about when you
Looked into my eyes
Told me you loved me
As you would hug me

I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
Now I’m not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly, my love is not blind

[ Chorus: ]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [ 2x ]

[ Talking: ]
I just wish everything could
have turned out different
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
You would understand, but…
No matter what, you’ll always be in my heart
You’ll always be my baby

Our first day, it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when you first came to my house?
You looked like an angel wearing that blouse

We hit it off, I knew it was real
But now I can’t take all the pain that I feel
Reach in your heart, I know I’m still there
I don’t wanna hear that you no longer care

Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn’t think you would ever do me like this
I didn’t think you’d wanna see me depressed
I thought you’d be there for me, this I confess

You said you were my best
friend, was that a lie?
Now I’m nothing to you, you’re with another guy
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I’m trying
Now on the inside it feels like I’m dying

[ Chorus: ]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ‘cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [ 2x ]

[ Talking: ]
And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we’ll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy


Finally found a song that really depicts me in full.. Well.. these few days have been playing this online game tribal wars.. Trying to build up asap and noble other villages.. Evil yes.. But if u remain innocence... Ppl will try to find a way to get u first.. So why not be the king rather then slave.. =X Hmmmm... Sld i work??? Hmmmm... Sld i get another gf??? Jus kidding !! LOL... In my heart there's only slot for 1 and its occupied... Emptily full is wad i can think of to describe it.. LOL.. hmmm.. Des is leaving sg for taiwan for 6mths.. Damn.. Gonna miss him man.. In the mean time.. Shall focus on my studies le.. Think i didn't do well this sem.. Shucks... Missed out on the chance to get 3.0 for GPA... LOrd.. wad am i suppose to do iun the future.. Its seems so misty and foggy on the path u laid for me.. So unclear.... But haix.. Daring soul like me.. loves challenges.. =P

Okay lah.. gg Botak Jones for 1 last dinner with Des and company.. Will update again soon.. Btw the way if u'r wondering how's things with me.. I'm alright.. And erm.. Its shameful to be beaten by love... So.. jus got to stand my ground and be strong.. =/ Easier said then done.. Really.. Haix... k lah.. GTG.. ciao...



*Remember when we first met at the bus stop ?
*Remember when we had our first kiss ?
*Remember when we had our pact nvr to leave each other ?
*I guess they were already forgotten memories to you...

So Close.. yet so far....

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Gal... I miss u day and night..
I miss your smile,
I miss your voice,
I miss your accompany,
I miss everything about you....
I'm really scare..
Scare of facing tmr..
Cuz every tmr is the same as today...
And every today suxs...
Was listening to this song and...
It occured to me that u like it...


Sorry guys.. But i jus can't forget about Her.... I love being in love with her.. Its the most happiest thing i'v ever been in my entire life... It's killing me man.. but i'm not dying... Its like a knief stabbed into u for a million times and u feel the pain, but u jus won't die from it.. Its so painful, even more painful then the tot of being poor... Therefore, u'll nvr understand that excruciating pain i have to live with everyday...

Love hurts...

To be honest.. I MISS HER ALOT.. ALOT = EVERYDAY.. EVERYDAY = 119days up till now.. God.. this can't go on man.. I'll die.. But on the other hand.. Wad's the point of forcing love? ITs meant to be then "poof".. fairytales be written.. I miss u norine... and i love you as much... so much that everyday seems so alike to that very first day of break up... And its hitting me hard over and over again.... Gal.. its hard to trust me again for wadever i say... but i hope u would at least give me the benefit of doubt.. And allow me to prove who i am to u.. =/ Life is shortening.. Love is disappearing.. Luck is running low.. I jus can't leave without u.. Not say i am gonna revolve my life ard u again.. But jus wanna be that guy in ur life.. =(

Haix...

Sigh...

I really love you gal.. And forever and always my whole life..
Argh!!!! Can't take no more.. ='(
Jus wanna live my life... with u.....

End of Yr 2

Whee~~ Exams are finally over.. But i do have 2 modules from yr 2 yet to be completed due to me failing 2 moduels in yr 1.. So i have to upload it next sem.. Hopefully i can.. Hahas.. wanna go NS with my frens.. Dun wanna be left out.. Poly life alr made me look like a loner and outcast.. Esp with so many things happening at the same time.. Well.. Coincidence? or God's plan taking action? I won't know yet.. but i'll find out soon enough.. =) Looking at myself now.. Hmmmm.. dun think i really changed much.. Jus the same old ryan... Hahas.. No more EMO nicks and labels !! =D i dare not say i did it on my own.. Credits really goes to those who talk to me everynite.. Yes... i know.. talking to me will make one vomit blood or faint.. hahas.. but tell u wad peeps.. They are worth it.. XD Hmmm.. holidays of 2mths.. Maybe less.. 14 MARCH !! Haix.. Dooms day.. I still at times wonder wad she's doing and how's her.. I dun get the truth, but more or less.. I can figure out.. Still cares as a fren now.... Hmmmm.... After all, she did bring wonders and miracles and hope to my life.. And the most impt thing is the lesson learnt.. Nvr will forget it.. =X


Hmmmm.. Last nite had a small sec skol gathering with cheryl and liyun.. LOL.. still looks the same yeah.. Not much changes occured.. Hey next time bring leo pls.. If not always kana bullied by u 2 gals.. HAHAHAHAS.... Dinner was great, at sakura.. Nearby Cali fitness center at somerset.. Walked ard at cine and then movied with chua and his guys.. "L change the world" was the movie we watched.. Seated at the front row.. Damn, had a sore neck after 2hours.. But the movie was good.. FOr me lah.. if u have any opinions.. Feel free to bring it up but u know wad u'll get from me.. SO THINK TWICE.. hahas

K lah.. guess life as a single soul isn't that bad afterall.. Realised i was too dependent on ppl.. Hmmmm... Now wild tots has been filling up my mind alot.. Tots like going on a backpack trip alone, sky diving in Aus, maybe when i have the money, i'll make a trip to my homeland.. my birthplace, Arizona, USA. =)

*Would u like to join me hand in hand and travel around the world? Y/N

=)

If you love someone, let them go. They return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with.

haix..

Wad the heck man... =( sTUDY STudy stuDY.... maths.. NOT gonna let u down man..

OMG... It's jus a dream... but its so fking real...

Hey people... I know it will sound freaking random.. But i dreamt of Norine again.. And this time.. I almost died in my dream... I'm freaking serious.. I dreamt of her getting freaking married with that fker.. And i was invited to the Signing of papers at ROM.. All i can do is to look at her from a distance.. Still, she is avoiding me even till that very day.. There was this senario where everyone's moving from 1 place to the other and I was waiting for a chance to speak to her.. Guys.. I'm freaking going crazy back there in the dream man.. Kept saying "omfg !!! U'r kidding me man.." I mean.. she left me for 3mths plus.. and she can get engaged.. married in like after 3mths.. OMFG.. wad is happening man... I mean i really wanted to ask her but she avoided me still.. damn.. it seems so real and i'm freaking tearing in my dreams.. I almost teared in real, but when i woke up.. that's when i realise it's jus a dream.. But fk man.. Its fking spooky.. WTF is it trying to say? Give up norine? She's gone and for good? I mean.. Never had a gal treated me like this man.. I love her... Yet she hated me.. Wad for man.. I mean.. WTF did i do..????? Okay.. was immature and fk lah.. even when i'm with her, i'm freaking insercure.. That's why i kept saying those things.. Didn't want it to be real lah.. But fk.. now that all the pictures are out to do the talking for u.. Wad else do u wan me to say? U tell me u will nvr be with him, but u ended up at his place ? Alone? with him... in the room.. Wad will ppl think ??? Learn guitar? Fk me pls... I wan her back but.. after everything she's done... and that fking dream... Now i'm like determinded to forget her for good.. I actually told myself that in the dream.. It was so real that i remember every single small detail.. I was at this hotel toilet after that.. Really crying the shit out.. I mean.. and coughing.. Like a dying man.. OMG... i jus can't believe it.. NB.. of all.. why must it be a dream like this? SEAN told me once if i dream after 3am, it won't come true.. It was after 3am.. But its so fking reall... Norine looked gorgeous in the wedding grown... I dunno wad to do now.. I jus know that i almost died in the dream...

DAmn.. i still need to study man.. Paper's on friday.. Haix.. How am i suppose to study now.. Fcuk... Alright.. can't be fcuked.. Go study now.. Let results do the talking man.. Cya ppl.. I'll update once in a while now..



105 days since you'r gone...