humans~

Human beings are strange living things arn't they.. How fast they change their thinking, their actions, and their cause of survivior.. They tend to say one and do the other.. Its riduclarsly fucked up... The word promises should be erased from the dictionary.. Cause there are no such things as promises.. Not that i'v seen even 1 incident of it.. Nothing is of garanteed.. Luck plays a big part.. and you have fight for wad you desire.. There are many people out there in this world, living lifes in different conditions, Some lives among the top riches, some lives in the dump... Open up your eyes and look out of ur comfort zone before moaning or grambling that your life suxs... And that you feel like dying because certain small matters can't be solved.. Look far people.. look far.......

Weird post i know... I jus had the sudden urge to note down everything that;s running thru my mind.. Even i dunno wad i'm writing about.. So if u dun , its okay...

School's starting in roughly 2 weeks time.. =/ ABIT NERVOUS.. yup.. lol.. hopefully.. this time round I can get a 3.0 and above GPA... cuz its 3 repeated modules.. =( Alright.. need to rush now.. take caree...

Awoken~

Ai qing bu neng zhou bi jiao~

Wad's lost is lost, all i can do now is to not lose wad i still possess.. A future.. I hope its still there...

I have a lot to think about lately.. wad have i been doing all this week.. hanging out with brothers.. Slacking.. doing nth practically.. wasting my life away.. Its a different life.. and it really opened up my eyes to the pai kia life-style.. I really hate it and dun really enjoy a single moment of it as it doesn't benefits me anything at all.. nth at all.. I jus hope i'm in time to catch the departuring train.. i wanna get out of this whole thing... It really suxs.. Well.. I have no one to blame and no one shall be blamed for wadever that is happening right now.. I have to say i do enjoy the time i spend from Jan '08 all the way till i had another gal in my life.. That period was really the best.. It was all about working, earning money, slacking with frens or colleages after work to drink and nth else.. Well.. i guess that short span of 6mths will be considered one of the best moments in my life.. and i would very much like to go back to that life-style.. Why did the chain have to break? why can't it last longer for awhile more.. =( Because of her presence in my life, things started to change gradually... now i dun blame her cuz its not her fault.. its the control or should i say discipline.. I lost it and once again focus all my time on her and not long.. i joined a company.. Intro-ed by sebas.. Many frens told me I no longer am myself anymore.. =( Sorry dudes.. i'm really sorry.. I jus wanna have a insight on how things are run and stuff.. haix.. after all.. I only understand 1 thing.. if this goes on.. i'm only courting death.. All day long fool ard with brothers, plus my then-gf who doesn't like to study no matter how hard i tried to knock sense into her.. Haix.. Its going down for me.. and now i find myself here.. pathetic..

Anyway.. The song i uploaded really suits me.. okok... for alot others out there as well who have fallen out of love.. Shan't say too much anymore.. Cuz there's nothing else to say le.. Time for me to wake up le.. And i seriously need to wake up..

Time to head out.. dota night.. Cya ppl..




Know why last night i chose not to go down? Not because i'm afraid to face u or wadever.. Its jus no point doing pain to myself seeing u guys doing wadever i know u guys are doing.. Its jus pointless.. Since u came out all the way there to enjoy.. no point appearing in front of u again... Dun wanna mess up ur night.. its better off that way.. For the both of us... I dun wish to have anything to do with ya anymore... Cuz i know you'r not the gal.. Short term happiness won't get u far.. Imagine all the pain u have to go thru again.. not much in my case.. No matter how u end up.. Its all because of you.. Take caree...

=D

"anyw i ve deleted my previous posts because everything is over nd i don't even wanna think abt it. looking at those post just makes me wanna puke. haas."

Ccb.. looking at this sentence is enough to make me go sort... nb.. who the fuck u think u are.. haas somemore.. nnb.. wan puke?? go pubbing more lah.. puke finish feel damn song right? after that seh seh go pia right? Lim pei hot liao lah.. knn.. cb.. chao ah lian.. think u who.. buay song come tio me lah.. Ccb... not like u are chio or worthy for the respect... why the fk did i even do some much things for u in the past and now.. fking regretted shaving off all my hair.. knn...

anyw.. went gym with a skol mate in the afternoon.. gym till bout 5 plus 6 went for dinner.. after dinner met up with some bros at tpy.. didn't wanna play basketball but i guess the temptation is jus to ridicularsly high... played in skinnys.. damn hot.. then after then went to jun's house to slack.. got wei sheng, me, sebas, jun and eunice.. lol.. sheng fking scammed me to come down by saying got 4 gals coming.. then in the end only 1 come.. knn.. that one still nvm.. can jus take it as come down play basketball.. second time scam me say he chia me martell.. knn.. in the end only bring 2 cans of beer.. so without the alcohol, we played poker cards, blackjack, tai di, five ten, murderer.. lol... lame lah.. then before we knew it, the sun's up alr.. jus reached home, suppose to bathe then go meet ah leong and company at 121.. damn shag now.. cb.. felt like i haven slept properly for years man..

k lah.. needa take a shower now.. check in later again..


No more emo-ing over that bitch..



Anyw, i got really attracted to this someone.. hmmm.. but needa take things really slowly right now.... dun wan her to turn out to be exactly jus the type my ex is... But prob i won't do anything till my hair has grown longer.. that's the time limit i set for myself to cool down and get over the past for good..

Heng xiang shuo~

if a man wants u..nth can keep him away.. if he doesnt want u..nth can make him stay..stop making excuses for a man & his behavior.. heartbreaks last as long as u want & cut as deep as u allow them to go.. the challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.. when it rains.. look for the rainbow..

(You Are So Beautiful To Me)

在我眼里你永遠最美 連你一個微笑也都會讓我醉

你所謂的幸福我想給 以為手不放開就是痴心絕對

太愚昧 難道 笑容沒了 距离有了 快樂也走了

還是 真心死了 彼此不信任了 終于懂了 真的

很想說有你是幸福的 很想說我的心是你的

很想說你真的誤解了 很想說你真的忘記了 My Love

笑容沒了 距离有了 快樂也走了

還是 真心死了 彼此不信任了 終于懂了 真的

很想說有你是幸福的 很想說我的心是你的

很想說你真的誤解了 很想說你真的忘記了

很想說會好好疼你的 很想說愛你是自由的

很想說你是否听見了 很想說你真的忘記了

愛了 就有堅持理由 別說 我會留在路口

不會走 愛你會直到最后

很想說有你是幸福的 很想說我的心是你的

很想說你真的誤解了 很想說你真的忘記了

很想說會好好疼你的 很想說愛你是自由的

很想說你是否听見了 很想說我們可不可以 复合


In my eyes you''ll always be the most beautiful, even just a smile from you sends me reeling
Your so-called happiness I want to give you I thought that holding on tight was a rash decision
Too ignorant Could it be? Smiling expression gone, now there's distance between us, happiness has also left
Or did sincerity die? We don't trust each other anymore.
I finally know that this is real..
I really want to say that you are happiness, that my heart is yours
I really want to say that you've misunderstood, that you've truly forgotten my love
Could it be? Smiling expression gone, now there's distance between us, happiness has also left
Or did sincerity die? We don't trust each other anymore.
I finally know that this is real..
I really want to say that you are happiness, that my heart is yours
I really want to say that you've misunderstood, that you've truly forgotten
I really want to say that I'll love you dearly, that loving you is my choice
I really want to say that you didn't hear it, that you've truly forgotten
Having loved is remaining committed to reason
Don't say anything - I will stay at the intersection
I won't keep walking, loving you I will remain there forever
I really want to say that you are happiness, that my heart is yours
I really want to say that you've misunderstood, that you've truly forgotten
I really want to say that I'll love you dearly, that loving you is my choice
I really want to say that you didn't hear it I really want to ask if we can be together again.





omg~ wtf is happening to me now!!

爱

"每个恋爱故事总让人刻骨铭心 - 有风有雨的爱,才能显得真爱难求...这才会让彼此更加 珍惜对方..."

thIs is one sentence that explains my all... I stand by it and live by it.. I dun really agree with my bros they all.. After all, ah lians are also humans wad.. they'r are to me, not toys.. So i WON'T ever toy ard with their feelings... Miss that gal alot now.. Hmmm... =(

Anyway, slacked with them again last night.. Till 8 in the morning then reach home.. Went to NP to meet director at ard 3pm... Same old bullshit talks again.. Study hard, this is the one door u need to open.. if u can't even open this door can forget bout Uni or high-paid salary jobs.. wadever lah.. i do wanna lead a luxery life in the future.. but i rather stick to something i enjoy more and earn less then earn more but fucking hate it... Cuz you only get to live once.. Its 1 life , live it to ur fullest.. Now i do see which direction she is heading towards.. i do sometimes agree with wad she's doing but oh well.. its not gonna be a very bright future.. Enough..

Jus had dinner with wen hui at 338 coffee shop.. the chicken rice there like best lah.. its not very oily and the chicken is very tender.. Thumbs up !! =D

Alright.. gonna meet up a fren at AMK hub soon... Take cares !!!


"没有一个人非要另一个人才能过一生."

Things~

well as long as u are happy.. as long you are happy............... =/

night out~

Hey people.. Jus came out from the showers and decided to blog a little.. Like i mentioned in my previous post, i said i'm going to sam's for a birthday celebration right? In the end.. No one made it to sam's due to unforseen circumstances... In the end.. i had a super late dinner with dad at the hawker need home.. Coincidentally, 2 of my bros are there as well, Chiwawa and ah leong.. and they jio-ed me to ton with them, which i did eventually cuz i had nth to do.. But was pretty damn tired after a day of working.. actually 2 days of working... Wanted to have a good night rest but oh well.. Slacked with them at blk 339... then moved to Blk 212 to meet some other ppl.. So practically there' 5 guys and 1 gal.. diao at the study corner, played cards till like 6am before having a bite at the nearby hawker.. By that time there's only 4 of us left, ah leong, chiwawa(AMK de, cuz there's another one from yishun too i heard), long, and me.. We took a cab to payar lebar to meet up with leong's girl-fren... Slacked at mac's for a couple of hours then went to creasents.. diao at the air-con food court for not long before we were out in the open space again.. Cuz of Cindy's need to smoke all the time.. Looking at her.. its the impression of ah lian.. totally.. thick make ups, dressing, the way she talked, smokes, she so resembles someone... And alot of the words she used in convesations sound so super farmilliar.. Like i'v heard them more then a million times over the past few months... Hahas.. And she keeps wanting to intro gals to us... me and chiwawa.. hmmm... thnx but no thnx... =) So practically, we slacked, talk cock and stuff till like 1pm.. that's when we all decided to head home.. I think this cindy gal is sweet but she's a typical ah lian, jus not my type for now and ever.. been thru enough shit...

okay lah.. enough of this.. Jus really felt the care and concern from my bros as i can see they really wanna help me out with my troubles, but i convinced them violence is not everything.. nd i dun wan any extra troubles as well.. =)


Gonna take a short nap.. meeting up with alan to diao ard amk hub soon.. Take care ppl..

Braun Buffel

lost my wallet today.. hmmm.. the photos in the wallet as well as the money, ic, everything's gone.. gonna be a freaking trouble-some week for me now.. got to re apply my debit card, stud pass and so on.. sian.. Is this consider a sign ? i Guess it is.. =/

K lah.. will be gg over to sam's now.. Nash's birthday celebration.. gonna drink till i drop like a rock..

School called jus before i was leaving house.. Haix.. looks like i'm set for another meeting with one of the stuff on monday.. =/

Alright.. i'll be at tangs again today.. Think cuzzie is dropping by later.. haven seen her or talked to her for a long time alr.. Only everytime when i'm emotionally troubled will then look her up.. But this time it was very different compared to the last time.. Hahas.. talked cock till like 3am.. Lame lah u girl !!!

Hmmm.. I'm feeling very weary now.. i'm starting to feel the glazing heat burning every little bit of strenght off me.. Its been like a week or 2 alr.. but oh well.. this is life.. you yuan zai jian~


Gg off for work now.. take cares ppl~

kielh's~

Worked for Kielh's today.. For those who haven heard of kielh's or have no idea wad it is.. Let me explain here.. =) Kielh's is founded in the 1815... in the american city New York. The main products they sell are facial and skin care products, which includes moisturiser, tonner, cleanser, lotions and alot more other... My job in Kielh's is easy.. The job scope of this job is to give out flyers, introduce to the public about the exisitance of this brand and the new products that are launched recently.. The ultra series.. The ultra moisturiser is very well known in the states as it has been brought up for uasage by the team who first hiked up mount everest... So now we are heavily pushing it for sales.. And the second part of the job scope is to TAKE PHOTOS with clients, customers, or people interested in our products... Its to show as a form of appreciation and sort of like a compliment to the product after using or trying out the complimentary samples.. That is a job scope.. Its not my individual lust or wanting to flirt with girls or get number.. so dun teh me with that okay !! Fk.. forget it.. anyway.. the pay's good.. roughly $10/hr.. $5 will be deducted for meal times.. so a day would earn about $75... Its good money.. but the job is really unstable therefore i can't really rely on it much.. but the guys and girls working there are really fun and funny people to talk to.. most of the kielh's boys are already in Uni.. God.. talking to them really makes me think twice bout how i wan my future to end up like... Definitely not with someone with no future.. and i more thing.. they all advised me to get a girl only after NS or in uni.. where the age gap won't be too far and the maturity lvl of both parties would be of standard alr.. Okay.. for now.. i need to go freaking eat my dinner and clear my head.. loads of stuff going thru now.. Freaking making me crazy.. money.. studies... future... lifelong partner and so on.. probably i sld list down a list of to-do things... and slowly cancel out my accomplishments.. Now since no one cares bout me anymore other then the handful of frens i have and my family, i shall really not disappoint them..

我知道你很难过

爱一个人需要缘份

你何苦让自己

越陷越深

别傻得用你的天真

去碰触不安的灵魂

每一天只能痴痴的等

爱一个人别太认真

你受伤的眼神

令人心疼

没有一个人非要另一个人

才能过一生

你又何苦逼自己面对伤痕

我知道你很难过

感情的付出

不是真心就会有结果

别问怎么做爱才能长久

这道理有一天你会懂

我知道你很难

过昨天是恋人

今天说分手就分手

别问你的痛要怎么解脱

多情的人

注定伤的比较久

爱若变成了刺

思念也成了痴

也许心碎是爱情最美的样子

Is this wad u are trying to tell me? Is it you or me? or Was you then me? maybe... but it makes no sense to wad is happening now.. Are you telling me this time its for real? The mysteries will remain.. till the day you unlock your heart...



Yo todavía le adoro galón..

hair cut~

Went for a hair cut today.. cutting off all the tied ends or strings that are still attached to the past.. now hair's all gone.. and i realised i look like crap.. fking weird.. now go everywhere also need to wear cap le.. Bad decision.. =(


Oh god... everyone's pointing away from her to me.. but why is the heart still longing.. God damn it..


The thot of .... arg !!! Forget it.. time to slp.. Recently have been having the weirdest dreams.. My fking mind is stimulating way too much fantasys man... But these dreams are freaking ridiculars.. My ex involves, both actually.. like wth.. and bout me getting a tatoo.. and guess wad.. the next morning i woke up, i realised the tatoo wasn't there on my arm.. i actually cried.. lol.. lmao... Its super crazy... Still breaking up is a fking problem i can nvr deal with wisely.. or sane-ly.. Sucks man.. Jus hope to fk off to NS asap.. then get the fk out of this country.. Haix...

Aug,Sept

Interesting months with absolute no accomplishments yet heavily infested with bullshits..



Give me... a damn f**king good reason why should i be even abit sad or unhappy at the way things turn out?



Its typical ah l*** play.. Brings u to heaven for a couple of days.. then toss u like a coin back into hell... Through frens, i'v come to understanding the consequnces and actions of wadever i did.. It was stupid, immature and a waste of loads of precious time.. Which resulted in 3 failing modules for the past semester... Its a serious setback.. but oh well.. since its alr happened.. jus got to deal with it and all the pressure upon my shoulders.. Pressures to produce..



now.. let me take u guys back to wad happened.. hmmm.. where sld i start off.. Ermmm... It all started like a fairytale as i have mentioned in my previous posts.. Then dramatically.. feelings fade, true colours shown, loss of paitance, arguement arose, vulgarities bombarded my world like there's no tml.. wad wrong have i done, to derserve all these.. The answer is... spending gf's money... How f**king ridiculars... Look.. Guys are NOT oblige to f**king pay for girls.. there's no such things as free lunch... Boyfrens, being gentlemens, will glady pay for their gfs.. that's of cuz.. why? cuz we love them.. we spend our money on them willingly.. and bears no grudge.. We dun ask them to pay us back or wadever.. cuz that's the one thing we can do most.. But to certain type of ppl.. this rule doesn't applies.. An example okay?



Kevin and Sally is a loving couple.. but they, like other couples encounter alot of obsticles and therefore, leads to plenty of quarrelling.. nd which everytime, one party will give in at the end cuz we both know the cost of losing each other is too huge to pay and its f**king unbearable.. Until one day... Kevin stopped working for a period.. no income... no extra allowances.. Living on the few dollars he have.. trying to get pass each day as fast as possible.. Not to forget he still has a gf.. and of cuz meeting up with her would be the last thing he'll say no to.. Cuz jus seeing her makes his day... But whenever they meet up, kevin although tight on hand, would try to spend accordingly with wad he have left.. And tries to make every date as beautiful as the first one.. or even more colourful... At times, even when his f**king broke, he'll still meet up with her jus to relax.. And in the process money needs to be spent.. definitely.. cuz this world.. this country.. u can't live by anyday not spending a single cent.. So sally offers to pay.. and the first thing he did was to reject but end up getting his rejection rejected.. So to avoid a quarrell.. he steadily allows her to pay for him.. Its not to his liking as getting gfs to pay for him wasn't part of his plan in a r/s.. but she keeps assuring him and reasoning with him as she doesn't wants his burden to be to heavy.. That's pretty much the end of story.. the ending.. ask me...



hahas...



anyway.. going for an interview later at 10am at kallang bahru.. Applying for promoter job at ashworth.. yes.. we sld all be farmilliar with that brand.. hahas... haven slpt for today.. Been at sam's for the past 3 weeks.. on and off.. returning home for a day or 2... crashing over at his place really cost alot of things to happen.. but also.. i get to realise many more things.. =D And the number of ppl i'v been talking to recently, increased like a rocket launched into outer space.. some of them are ppl whom i'v not talked to since maybe a year back stretching back to as long as 5 years.. Was good to hear from some of them... At least the long hours of convesations kept my mind from thinking bout her.. alright.. will need to prepare for later's interview.. meeting up with my homie boy sean tze later for a buddy talk.. met him last sat.. went to tuitor's place and had lunch.. Old days memories jus flooded back like the tsunami... Studying for O's, playing and fooling ard.. its nvr gonna be the same again now.. but still its a memory worthy to savour..





I'll like to end my post with a wishing to that someone..



i wish that u realise how badly things have became.. and the most impt thing still is ur studies.. i hope u wake up in time.. cuz from wad i'v seen.. its scary even jus to imagine ur life in the future.. But i shall care no more for you dun care anymore alr... jus wish that wadever choice u make... wadever decisions u have in mind.. is the best for u... I Can't provide.. so i'll gladly step aside for the more able ones.. After all.. ur happiness is my main concern.. take care...

What's left of me~

Why can't I jus change for once? Why must it all be empty promises.. Ryan... You'r useless, worthless and a junk.. Stop decieving others... If u can't be who u claim to be.. Then shut the fuck up and learn...





For the past 1 week.. All i remember doing was quarrelling with Jiayi.. Lots and lots of quarrels.. And the quarrellings paid off... with her giving up hope on me.. I derserve it.. So why should i even be acting like a baby crying... Milk's spilled.. Game's over... aNd i'm the loser... I'v came to realised that me, the current ryan.. Is a fucking big actor.. Acting like someone who he is not.. but wants to be jus to look cool... Look different.. Wad good has it brought u huh? A broken heart boyy.. Norine's lesson still not enough ah... Now its really expected that u have to go thru this once again... Where's the changes man.. I have to admit i did change.. but also.. i'm easily influnced.. I dun really have a strong mind.. I'm easily manipulated by ppl... People ard me.. Ppl i love esp... I love jia yii.. but like she said.. its all the past.. should jus let go.. how i wish its that simple..





In the r/s.. i made many mistakes.. Common ones like lying, cheating on her.. all those stuff.. it jus shows that i dun love her at all.. But yet my heart says i do.. pRob is becuz i'm so used to her.. hard to get on with life w/o her... Although its not like that.. but jus have to force that concept into my fucking pathatic mind... I love her yet time over time i left her.. then when i realised my mistake... then go back.. like she's a spare tyre.. i really dun mean it that way gal.. Hands on my chest.. i swear i do really love you... Many ppl told me not to go too deep into the r/s... from other sider's point of view.. we dun match up.. and this is one fact both me and her knew.. but i wanted to prove everyone wrong.. I wan to try make things work out.. cuz i believe in myself.. i believe in fate.. Our meeting was by fate totally.. It is also wad i call love at first sight.. its really great to experience that kind of feeling.. its not something everyone has the chance to experience... And another issue, my own financial problem... Its been the same since young... whenever i got the cash, i'll be thinking on how to spend it.. instead of saving it up for rainy days... That's one fucked up problem.. so i won't blame her for leaving.. after all u dun wanna be with a guy whom u can't rely on right? I jus hope these incident would become a very impt lesson for me.. all i needa do now is to change.. to focus fully on changing.. not for the sake of her.. but for the sake of my own future..





Arg!!! Can't take it no more.. i'll better head to bed.. been up the whole night out in town.. really tired now...







*If ever you'r looking at this.. i wanna tell you.. gal.. you'r gave me something no one else have given me.. the feeling of love... and care.. and concern... you stood out among all those.. including my family.. thank you for the memories.. i'll move on from here now i guess... =)





The last picture we ever taken together.. i rmb her telling me she likes it.. but prob to her it means nth now... I do hope you meant wad you said bout me being your second and ur last.. It's jus false hopes but i'll still take it...

you have no idea how much u mean to me gal...